Sherendipity

So ah...hi everyone lol. It's been a hot minute hasn't it...? ^^;

Before I say anything, I would like to sincerely apologize for my sudden disappearence from this site. With all the stuff that went down with DA's Ai program (among other problems I had been having before then which affected my mental health and relationship with this site significantly, which I wont go into here. If you want to know what happened you can dm me) I completely crashed and just...needed to get away from this place. It just wasn't doing me any good to stay and force myself to post here when coming here brought me so much anxiety. So I did what I felt was best for me and checked out for a while.

Then after I went ahead and did that, a lot of big changes went down in my life just as the new year started that kinda changed how I prioritized certain things. I now have a dayjob. I have my own place. I'm finally taking my first steps into independence, and while it is very overwhelming, I am immensely grateful for it and am happy as could be. These changes have finally started to help me rebuild my confidence a little bit, to the point where it eventually led me to make a bunch of other changes as well (I finally got an account on Ao3, I finally started a gumroad and a redbubble, though neither have any products listed yet, I started a bunch of other things that I thought about doing but was too nervous to do before , etc etc) and I'm excited to see what comes of these new endeavors.

That said, my relationship with DA is very...tense and awkward now. It's like breaking up with ur ex an then slowly trying to figure out if you can go back to being friends again. It's just...a really weird gray area where I keep going back and forth on whether or not I wanna come back here to the point where I just end up neglecting it entirely. I even cancelled my auto-renewal for my membership here because I wasn't sure if I was going to come back. I'm still not sure if I am or not. It's not like I particularly missed it, if I'm being honest. It was nice not getting a jolt of anxiety every time I check and see that I have tons of notifications to go through. It was nice not having to stress about someone weird finding my work and making me uncomfy. It was nice not constantly getting frustrated with all the broken features this site now has that it didn't before. It was nice not having all that to worry about. But at the same time I do miss having a place I can go to find RP partners and upload my work that actually has proper folder organization, and other things that other sites lack to a degree. So idk. My relationship with DA is complicated, and has been complicated long before any of the AI junk even came about.

I've tried writing this journal time and time again since everything happened and I could just never seem to find the right words to say what I wanted to say, in the way I wanted to say it. I'm not even sure if this properly gets across what I want. But I really wanted to check in and let you guys know I was okay. God's been kind and merciful to me, and I've been having fun re-discovering my love for art and drawing for me as a hobby again, instead of performing for an audience like it's my job. And I'm hoping that my time away has given me time to mature and gain some of the confidence, morale, and strength I lost during my time here before.

I've been spending a lot of time on instagram, discord, and tumblr to fill in that gap. And tbh I barely missed DA at all. Not to say I didnt miss the peeps I know from here, as thats not at all the case, I just didnt miss the constant stream of anxiety and stress that DA was continuously feeding me. I was happy just posting my work to a small group of friends on discord and occasionally making posts on things like instagram and tumblr on and off. Then I got my job and my place and those both further helped me shift my focus to things that were infinitely better for me mentally.

But I have been thinking about DA again recently and like...a small part of me would love to come back. This was my first art page and is my most successful one, after all. And it's also where I met the majority of my current friends/rp partners. Change is extremely hard for me. But I don't want to end up in the same cycle of stress if things here haven't changed. I've even thought of making a new account and just...starting over completely. But idk. I'm not entirely sure what I want to do but for now just letting you guys know where I've been and why I vanished feels like the right thing. IDK if anyone is really here after everything that happened...I know A LOT of people left after that whole thing went down. So maybe if I did return, I'd return to a desolate wasteland. But those who have stayed can let me know what the general state of this site and it's userbase is at this point. Maybe that insight can help me make a decision one way or the other, even if I dont post it publicly here.

Either way, I hope that anyone who reads this is doing well and taking care of themselves. I pray God is blessing you and keeping y'all safe. If you want to find me on other platforms, you can find all of my locations on my linktree. I'll see y'all later.

I’ve seen a few people in my general circle ask if I’d be interested in watching the new Amazon LOTR show that's coming out and I’m not entirely sure how to tell them no without being super blunt about it (because truth be told I am repulsed by the fact that Tolkien's work is being desecrated like this by this particular company sO DANG MUCH and tbh I really wish it had just been allowed to go into the public domain instead) AND I DONT WANT TO DO THAT so in an effort to not go off on a gigantic diatribe to them about why I‘m not comfortable supporting this, I’m just gonna make this journal expressing my reasons and getting it off my chest and people can take it or leave it as it is. No shame if you watch this show and like it, I promise I dont hate you if you do and by all means keep watching it if it brings you joy. I am not here to take that away from anyone. But this is where I am at with it currently and I can't sit here and pretend I'm here to support it when I just don't. (That said, apologies if this does still sound harsh because I'm pretty tired as I'm writing this and my filter isn't exactly operating at full capacity. I promise my intent isnt for it to come across that way.)

1. Despite what people may say to try and defend them, these people don’t actually care about portraying Tolkien’s work accurately. The female dwarves dont have beards like they should and the elves dont have long hair like they should, despite both these things being cultural things for them and one of the many things that would make the show feel consistent with the movies (not that I’m saying the movies are the be-all end-all, I’m just saying it doesnt bode well if they are indeed trying to stay in continuity with those adaptations). They couldnt even be bothered to get these basic details of these two races’ cultures correct, so why would I have that much hope for the rest of it?

2. Jeff Bezos only wanted to make it because he wanted his own version of Game of Thrones. Need I say more? I cannot foresee how this show could possibly bode well for the tone and themes of LOTR if those are the intentions behind it.

3. While they have the rights to Tolkien's universe, whey dont have the rights to the Silmarillion, which is where this is supposedly meant to take place, so this isnt even a loving adaptation of that like it should be and is instead just…them using millions of dollars to make sh*t up. A.k.a. Write fanfiction. And quite frankly I dont trust any of these people to write good fanfiction that keeps the original themes and values of Tolkien’s work in mind.

4. The costume design is shoddy at best compared to the movies, which is embarrassing considering how much amazon could afford to put into it to actually make it look good.

5. They’ve apparently chosen to include sex scenes in this show, which is so disrespectful and distinctly un-tolkien it hurts and is a common trope these days that absolutely infuriates me. A big part of what made his work so accessible was that it was CLEAN. It was intense, and had some very mature themes/messages present in it sometimes, but it was clean. It was brilliant because it was telling a good story, not because it had sex shown in it. Idk why you would go and ruin that except to just make it into another gross Game of Thrones clone. (Off topic but I'm so tired of every fantasy series that comes out being an excuse to make p*rn. Stop it. Go be degenerate somewhere else please.)

6. They apparently changed the personalities of Galadriel and Elrond to push their own agenda as opposed to sticking with what was presented in the books and just...tell a good story. They have no respect for these characters or their histories and that's already been made fairly obvious.

7. The people making this have literally stomped on Tolkien's grave by taking his work and saying "We're the ones telling the story now" and making money off of it as if they could do sooo much better by fixing what was never broken in the first place. The arrogance and entitlement of it all completely fries me.

8. Almost every re-make or reboot of a franchise these days exists soley to push the agenda of a big corporation. Franchises very rarely get rebooted in good faith with the original creator's intentions in mind anymore and I cant be the only one who knows this. This is Amazon. There is no way this is going to be any different. I don't trust that any choice they make with this is actually going to be made in good faith out of genuine love for this work.

9. Is it not ironic that the villain in the hobbit was a giant dragon who hoarded wealth that he had no intention of using but had no problem smiting you if you got too close to it?? And yet we suddenly trust Amazon to handle the work of Tolkien with any kind of grace??

10. There are articles upon articles out there rn trying to gaslight people into thinking that Tolkien didnt write his work through a catholic lens. Which is objectively untrue and is extremely disrespectful to the man and his work because it's all projection and people trying to re-write history and speak for/slap labels on a man who is no longer around to defend himself. Given this treatment of anything people who are part of christianity or its branches happen to create, I highly doubt amazon is going to treat it with any more respect. Amazon has never respected our beliefs or the themes present in it before and I doubt they’ll do so now.

I know these are vague reasons but tbh I just dont have the mental energy to put into making each reason into an essay with sources and citations rn. So pardon the 'string of consciousness' reasoning. But to make a long story short; no, I will not be giving rings of power a single minute of my time, and I will not be portraying it in my AU’s or involving my OC’s with it. I think it’s extremely concerning/borderline apalling that they are even making the show with so little genuine care or effort (and with zero self-awareness) in the first place, instead of just making something up themselves. I cannot imagine this being anything except a soulless desecration of his work in the name of "updating" it and using it as an avenue for woke points. Bc that seems to be all people ever want to do with any franchise that gets rebooted now.

And as for those who aren't my friends but are merely seeing this cross their feeds in passing, again, no shame if you like the show. Go ahead and like what you like, it isnt my business. But please do not try to argue with me about this in the comments or you will be blocked and your comments will be removed. I dont care what reasons there are for why it could be good despite my reasons for being wary, or why I'm a party pooper for not watching it. I'm seeing the foundation it's built on and it seems shaky at best, and throwing sticks and stones at me isn't going to make me change my mind.

Edit: Apparently some people dont get this bit so just to add on, if you’re just here to condescend to me and be rude/nasty simply because you disagree with me on something, you’ll be getting blocked and your comments will be deleted. You’re welcome to disagree with me if you like but that is no excuse to be snotty and insulting towards me. I am not here to argue and be petty with a complete stranger. I have done nothing to you except hold an opinion you dont share. Chill.

To quote the very man this company is running over in order to make this, because it's parroted all the time but is especially prudent here: “Evil cannot create anything new, they can only corrupt and ruin good forces have invented or made.”

Okay so this wasn’t part of my original plan for Radrien or the fae’s genetics at all but I got an idea and I want to share it with the group pfft.

So even if I dont make Radrien‘s hair black (which at this point I might not, even though the idea of giving her dark-ish hair still isn’t out of the question entirely), what if Radrien‘s hair had the same texture as Sanguine’s before she discovered her element?

like

it was curly/wavy before she found it but after she found it it kinda flattened out as it was turning blue? (And she’s lowkey probably a little salty about it and was so glad that Sanguine ended up with that same texture when she was born.)

I only ask because I want Sanguine to kinda be a balanced combo of both her dad and her mom but because her father’s design is kinda up in the air atm I’m having to brainstorm it out.

I ALSO RECOGNIZE THAT GENETICS DONT WORK LIKE THAT but…they’re faeries pfft. They already dont operate by the rest of the world’s logic by definition so why start caring abt realism now. We can just say that hereditary traits rely on pre-transformation things or smth Bc they may change later when they discover their powers anyway.

I havent quite figured out the design for Sanguine’s father except that he’s human and that she did take after him for her face shape and skin color while she 100% got her facial features (like her eyes/ears/nose/lips) and freckles from her mom’s side. But aside from that I’m not sure how much she got from him. AND WHILE I HAVE DETERMINED THAT HER DAD PROBABLY DID VAGUELY RESEMBLE ARAGORN EITHER IN LOOKS OR PERSONALITY BC THERES ANGST SURROUNDING SANGUINE’S RELATIONSHIP W HIM BECAUSE OF THAT RESEMBLANCE, I DO STILL WANT THERE TO BE AT LEAST *SOME* DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE TWO ONE WAY OR THE OTHER

That said tho I did try to look it up for research purposes and I got nothing to answer my question so I’ll also ask it here; do we know that the dunedain all had dark hair and eyes because thats smth tolkien explicitly said abt them or did we just go ahead and assume that bc Aragorn’s the only one we’ve actually seen portrayed? And also, would I get crucified for breaking this rule if it actually exists or does it not really matter that much and I can just do whatever I want w this anyway? I’m a noob and havent read all the books yet so dont come at me for not knowing this info but I would love to get a straight answer pfft. Knowing how meticulous this world was created I’m sure it’s probably the first and I just havent gotten to that in my reading journey yet, but I need an instant answer here for the sake of character design so someone please help me pfft. Because if it’s actually not the first and is instead the latter, then that could give me the green light to give Sanguine curly navy-colored hair like her mom and make her father a tan dirty blonde and that would make me so happy. I’d still prefer to do that anyway, so if he ends up just being a normal human guy I can work with that, but I’d at least like a legit answer to my question just to see if thats even possible t begin with, AND I CLEARLY HAVE A LOT OF LOTR NERDS FOLLOWING ME SO PFFT

(also I apologize but dont expect this to be the only journal/status post I make of this nature because there are a lot of questions I have that are unanswered and these characters are still slowly coming together over time and anything that can help me make my OC’s gel in a way that makes sense, even if it only makes sense to me, would be immensely helpful.)

It may not be new years quite yet but I wanted to make a list of the different projects/imrpovement goals I wanna see in my art next year. Heres to hoping I can accomplish what I want to accomplish lol.

1. Finish up the new character references for Eli and the rest of the Salvation cast. I’ve got most of them started in the sketching phase but I’d love to get them all squared away since they’re my firstborns lol.

2. Finish up Aphrodite’s new character reference. It’s in bits and pieces rn but I have all the components at least sketched out.

3. Make new character references for Shade and co. She hasnt gotten a digital reference yet and I think she deserves one.

4. Practice more with perspective/composition and backgrounds. I wanna make my artwork look a bit more cinematic/atmospheric, and while I have made a lot of progress this year, it’s smth I still struggle with. Maybe going a more painterly route would help me but I’m not sure.

5. See if I can figure out a way to streamline my art process so I dont use so many layers for an illustration.

6. Try my hand at a comic at some point. Not a full on story webcomic but like…a smol one. Idk if I’m ready for a full webcomic yet but even just one comic drawing would be good, bc I have ideas for a few.

7. Maybe try my hand at making small animations/animatics or gifs. I downloaded flipaclip recently so I have the means to try that out now.

8. Maybe make some chibi sticker designs?? Idk if I’ll be able to get to this one but it’s smth I’d like to try and do.

LMK if you guys have any art goals. I’ll be rooting for you lol.

Hey any of you guys big LotR/The Hobbit nerds???

My fam and I have been rewatching the hobbit movies together over the last few days and the obsession has somehow suddenly come in full force out of complete and utter nowhere. (was it because I fell in love with one of the characters and finally caved into my base instinct of “discovered I like a new thing, made a character for it, and got completely carried away”? Maybe.)

I’ve always hesitated to get into it like I do my other fandoms bc of the sheer amount of lore and history involved w it. It always felt so daunting and overwhelming and I just could never bring myself to put myself through a beast like that. And tbh not much has really changed. I still find the amount of stuff outside if what’s portrayed in the films overwhelming/intimidating as hell and I am still not 100% comfortable in it yet since high fantasy is a little out of my comfort zone in terms of writing. But am still trying to power through and have fun and enjoy it anyway, and am trying to just take it in baby steps. (So yes please pardon me if I’m not the most well-educated.)

I’ve got several character concepts in the works and I’m also developing my own fan-race for it (because I’m a glutton for punishment I guess). It’s a difficult and confusing time but a fun time.

Anyway I’m looking for more people to talk abt it and fangirl with lol. Hmu in the comments or in a note or smth. Adult peeps only. Preferably other girls. (I dont give my discord to guys. Sorry.)